The other day my husband Sidney and I were having a discussion about romance. We have been together for almost 9 years, but we have only been married for 3. Before marriage a lot of couples decide that they want to wait to have children because they feel as if the focus on their relationships will shift, but what about the distractions of everyday life, such as work and school. Being married is beautiful. You get to spend the rest of your life growing, experiencing, and laughing with your best friend. We make promises to always put each other first and never forget to make one another feel special, but eventually something seeps in that causes all those promises to diminish over time. We call this routine. Although comforting, it can be a dangerous place to reside. The cloud of routine disables the opportunity for spontaneity. While speaking to my husband we realized that romance was starting to be overshadowed by our routine and we didn't like it at all. My days were spent caring for Eden, the house, and cooking and his days were spent going to work and school. On weekdays we would go out as a family and the routine would start all over again. What we realized was that romance was starting to become secondary to everything else. Instead of making an effort we started to become complacent. We knew that something had to change because although our relationship was great, it wasn't at its highest potential. I don't believe that we will get there tomorrow, but I do belive that we should spend the rest of our lives trying to. At the end of the day we are tired from working, from school, from taking care of the kids, but you are content because you know all your efforts will pay off. Shouldn't that same work ethic and perseverance be applied to our relationships and marriages.
It might not be all the time, but sometimes it feels like romance is last on the to do list when it should be the first. When I say romance I'm not necessarily talking about fancy dinners and getaways; although, those can be included. I'm talking about getting to know your spouse all over again and finding out what makes them feel special. As time passes and we grow as human beings, so do the things that matter the most to us. A bouquet of roses might not be as special as a simple exchange of how each other's days went . It's the simple things like a massage, candlelit bubble bath, washing the dishes, or sending a sweet text that could really work wonders. At the end of the day It's not about how much you can spend, but how you can take time out to make your spouse feel special.
Some couples may need to break the routine of staying at home. I am all for a date night, but with the responsilities of life it can be challenging to achieve. When deadlines have to be met at work or tests need to be studied for we always find the time. Why can't we do the same with our relationships? There's something special about getting out of the house and going on a date. It makes one feel like a gitty teenager all over again. It feels like one is still being being pursued and courted, rather than a dusty old prize that's already been won. Be adventurous and continue to experience new and exciting things together. Change up what restaurants you go to or change up the type of dates you go on. Dont let having kids hinder your spontaneity either. Put them to bed early, turn off the tv and turn on some music. Have a late dinner for two and actually talk to one another.
This topic has been on my heart because I feel like many couples experience this; some without even realizing. I feel as if sometimes we lose sight of what's really important. When all is said and done getting the bills paid is great, but it shouldn't come at the expense of our relationships. I believe that real love is selfless and unconditional; like the love God has for us. No relationship is perfect. No marriage is perfect. Just because we are imperfect creatures does not mean we shouldn't strive to be better. Relationships are daily work effort of talking through and learning with one another. When running down our mental checklists at the end of the day we should ask ourselves if we did our best to make our spouses feel special. Start with a simple "how can I make you feel special today"? Break the routine and repair the romance!
Stay beautiful,
Dadi